white ...
all white -
blurred.
cold?
No ...
white. Unfeeling white.
darkness ...
white ...
A snowstorm -
buried.
A snowstorm?
No cold.
No cold - no snow storm ...
darkness ...
A square white ... bright sunshine -
shimmering white directly from heaven.
white ... so damn white.
darkness ...
White - Grey -
shadows ... the light is moving.
Light - Dark - Light - Dark ...
No hands. No feet. No body ... hiss
darkness ...
- beep - Rap ...
hear I can ... I am.
I?
darkness ...
white ...
heartbeat?
I have no body. I have no heart ...
... I think I am.
I?
shadow ... Sounds ...
pain?
No pain. No feeling.
feeling? - A word.
I think a word. I am.
Who am I? Where am I?
My body ...?
darkness ... ...
white milky, creamy white.
The sun shines again, motionless flies fixating on their square planet.
My eyes are rolling away, unstable, uncontrollable ...
I can see.
The throbbing, hissing and beeping is still there.
Always?
At any time?
at any time.
time - What is time?
White - Dark - White - Dark ... Is the time?
darkness ...
yellow ... bright, blinding yellow
... My eyes remain rigid, fixed yellow of this non-objective.
quiet voices ... voices ... many voices ...
beeping - hiss - Rap ...
darkness ...
shadows ... light ... darkness ... voices ... noise ...
light.
No hands, no legs, no body ...
See, hear, think ... ... ...
Where am I? Who am I? Where's my body?
No feeling ...
Flash light.
voices ... words ...
beep. Loud knocking. Dangerous hiss.
risk!
I'm afraid ...
"We'll need a different store. His pulse is racing. "
" Wait. I'll get the doctor. The blood pressure drops. Shit. And in the evening. "
" Leave it. The notes ere nothing more. "
" Why? "
" get the last three weeks of every other day an EEG. Minimal brain waves. Because nothing will change. He's back. "
"Why is he still here?"
"In the basement is not free."
"Yes!"
"Nope. Have one shut down yesterday. They are really crowded. There goes nothing. Hardly get the door! "
" Not true. The whore is dead now died tomorrow. The nurse has just brought them into cold storage. "
" Oh? I have not noticed. Really? The dead? But was actually quite stable. "
" infection of the gastric tube. Those below have sloppy. Well disinfected properly. Or whatever. Now she is gone. "
" Shit happens. That was really good shape. Pretty fitt, down to the smashed head. From it we could have taken many organs. "
" Help out! We turn it around "
" At three. One! Two ...! Three! "
" shit. How can one be bold Sun I can hardly lift it! "
" Nothing comes from nothing. He now has it. "
" Nope. Really mean? "
" Sure. Stroke by over-enrichment. "
" I sprayed him tentatively Valium. Ten milligrams. Damage can not. Maybe he'll get on again. "
" Do Hinne! I will go smoke finally "
darkness ...
beeping -. Hiss - Rap ...
White - White Rectangular ...
No sun - a lamp. A lamp with flying bodies, trapped under glass milky skin.
One room. A white room. A window. A black window. Outside, darkness ...
outside? Inside?
Where am I?
I hear voices.
come closer.
Even closer ... My eyes
obey me again. I can impose on them my will.
A door opens. A white door in a white frame in a white room.
Two blue-clad men. Women.
you enter. Color. Finally, a different color.
you talk. One of the two scratches his head. Your care plugged back blond braids still. She laughs loudly. Her plump figure almost beyond the buttons of her gown. The sign on the breast pocket of hops.
black pattern on the plate. I can not read. But I now see everything clearly. I can hear. I think ...
Will they help me?
? "Let's go to him again EEG"
The other sister, small, delicate, with a lean mouse-gray face shakes his head:
"No, too expensive. Why should they? Comes anyway in the basement. I'll get after the voucher. And then with him. "
The two go to the window and look out. My eyes can follow them. I have to concentrate. Incredibly focused. No sense in me. Where's my damn body? But I can control my eyes ...
Let it be dark again. Dear God! Make it so that it remains bright.
I'm afraid. Terrible fear. I'm trapped.
I can not remember. Of nothing more ...
I'm tired. So tired.
darkness ... light. Yellow light. Glistening. Does not apply. My eyes fill with it, it will pass in my head, in my brain. All
yellow, bright yellow ... Nothing else.
votes - Bright voices - a deep voice.
you talk about me. They will help me. I can think and see and hear. I live. But who I am?
sister Daniela? Why should the down? His pupils show reactions. He will again. We get by. We should move to the rehab. As fast as possible. "
The yellow is gone. Only shadows ... not really dark. Blurry, moving shadows. They form to be human. I have to concentrate. I will not go back into the darkness.
A tall man dressed in white going on my bed up and down. My eyes follow him with difficulty. He inserted a small metal pin with a bright top in his breast pocket.
A lamp. Aha! That was the yellow light in my brain.
Now, the man displayed. A doctor. I am in a hospital. But why? What happened?
He is now next to the two blue-clad women. Now a white bekittelter very small man with balding into the room.
I still have hair? How do I look? - I do not know. I do not remember ...
The fat man nodded silently greeted the others and comes up to me. He looks at the red, yellow, green flashing cameras next to me. Such beautiful colors. Why do I see it now? The world is colorful. So colorful!
beeping - hiss - Rap ...
beeping - hiss ...
silence.
I can hear properly again.
"Bring him down. I got the approval, "says the small thickness.
"No! Do not switch off! He moved his eyes. The pupils contract into the light. He responded, "the mousy sister shakes her head vigorously.
"We treat him out. Basta. Is too expensive. I watch you on the meatball. We get back no more. All calcified. Fatty heart broken kidney, liver in the ass ... He is in the basement. Daniel, Anne, take the body lift. There are visiting hours. Since I do not let rumkarren the public. "
The other doctor is approaching once again my bed. Written on the ceiling. Pressed somewhere in the middle of my body. Several times. I feel nothing. I have no body ...
"Man, is perhaps the thickness. So what I have not seen yet. No wonder ", the great doctor to me looks slim as he speaks directly into the eyes.
deep Ganz. Facial clean. Straight. Almost mesmerizing.
He has green eyes, is with small brown dots. Then he disappears from view.
The doctors leave the room. According slams the door behind them. I will call. Afterwards scream. They reside.
I have no voice. No language. I can not talk ...
"plug it off, Anne. Caution! Pay attention to his skin dripping on access. Disinfect the access again. It is connected in the basement again. "
" Deer? Why is that? "
The small dark-haired sister looks at me, then to her colleague. "If the example used to? I touch it not. What can one use of the fat guy still "
The other, which I know now that it is Daniela, giggles:
?" Of course. The eyes ...! The eyes may need more. In the adit on the Merseburger Fourteen of the laser did not work properly. Your retina becomes detached again. The surgery must be repeated urgently, and they have a donor. Because like it just fine with him. It just needs to hold out a few days. Man, will rejoice the Merseburg "
" I sprayed him again Valium. Then he will be fine limp, I can better attract the tubes. "
I'm awake again ...
I see - I feel - I am dumb ... brighten
milky yellow round dome lights sparingly the huge room.
on the walls reflect light flashing in stacked devices. Red, green, yellow. dance on monitors white waves, spikes and points. Virtual storm surges. Multiple hissing, throbbing, pounding and polyphonic beeping met the vault. Like a canon. Each sound exactly knows his role. None of the devices gets out of rhythm or tempo changes. Highly rhythmic. Next to each of these machines is
a bed. People lie in it. Hard to see only schemes. Illuminated by matt dimmed light.
Where am I?
A blue or gray-clad figure sneaks silently between the machines back and forth. Turns a wheel in here, pushing a button, flips a switch. Soft clack. Metallic click.
The door opens. Brilliant light illuminated the cruel motionless, shrouded bodies.
a backlit black appearing figure approaching my bed. Beckons people into the coat. Then they both stand on my foot. The just come in, now illuminated by ceiling lamps man gets a stroke, a face. It is the tall doctor yesterday.
yesterday ...?
I do not know - it was yesterday?
He points at me, are the gray coat a piece of paper. Then he goes to a cupboard and pulls a syringe. He is the keeper.
"He's now turn. Prepare it in front of him and drive the same. At eleven the retinal surgery is on the Fourteen. Do not forget to put ice packs on his eyes. "
" No! My God, no! Help me! Give me a voice!
Let me scream ... "
© Elke Kemna
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